Another week in Lawndale
by Wouter Jaegers
Summary: Two Kevins, astrange condition that turns people into pokémon, a stalker and Daria getting arrested? Just another week in Lawndale.


ANOTHER WEEK IN LAWNDALE

By Wouter Jaegers [wo.jaegers@planet.nl][1]

Part one, new neighbors.

Daria sat in her room and relaxed while writing in her diary. She smiled as she thought back on what happened the past week. 

Friday the forth

Boy, it has been a memorable week, one in which the madness that is Lawndale clearly out did itself. And it started out so simply…

Flashback to Sunday morning when a big moving van made its way through the quiet neighborhood in which the Morgendorffer residence lay. Helen and Jake looked at its arrival in approval. Helen cuddled at her husband's side and smiled. "Oh Jakey, we're going to get new neighbors." 

"Yes and from what I heard that man could be a big busyness associate." Jake rubbed his hands in excitement." The man in question was Norman Thomson, a freelance engineer who could be a really good associate if Jake could get him to work for Morgendoffer consulting. 

Norman and his family were just entering the house they'd just bought and Norman smiled. "Kids, I hope you realize that your mother and I are counting on you to help us adjust to this new environment."

His oldest son walked up to him. 17 years old, and clearly a wallflower he had already become used to his father's way of doing. If he said that he counted on them he meant that they should be hard at work at his college applications. But he didn't mind, after all it also meant that he would be attending a new high school and would be joining a new chess team. "Don't worry Dad, you can count on me and Josef." 

His younger brother chimed in as well. "As long as we still can play chess with you." Norman looked at his offspring and smiled, he was really proud at his sons. 

"Kevin, Josef, you are the best."

Daria: (V.O. from the present.) But little did the new boy next door know what kind of confusion would erupt when he arrived for his first day at school. Jane and I were preparing for class when we first encountered him.

Monday at Lawndale high.

"So, you ready for another day in hell?" Jane asked her best friend. 

"Rarin'." Was Daria's dry as the Serangetti answer, "Although this week could be interesting." She remarked. Jane cocked an eyebrow. "Upchuck has been eyeing on me all weekend." 

"So, he does that all the time." Jane grinned. 

"Not at this extend Jane, he's been studying me like a biologist studies animals, following my every move, learning everything about me, it's creeping me out."

Upchuck himself was at a corner listening. "Oh hell she figured it out. I got to be careful but if I stop following her she would certainly notice." 

Then two boys walked up to Daria and Jane. They both looked remarkably alike, both had brown hair in decent haircuts and wore goats wool sweaters. The elder one spoke up.

"Hi, I'm Kevin and this is my brother Josef, we are new here." Daria and Jane shook their hands and introduced themselves. Jane couldn't help but to smile over Kevin. "Why are you laughing?" He asked. 

"No offence but you happen to have the same first name as the star quarterback of our football team." 

"Ah I understand, you associate my name with his appearance, don't you?" Kevin smiled. 

"At least there won't be any confusion," Daria smirked "because there's your name sake right now." Kevin and Josef looked around and saw the "Other" Kevin walking by with his cheerleader girlfriend arm to arm. Josef looked at his brother and smirked.

"Oh boy, what a numbskull. Too bad he has the same first name as you." Jane smiled and laid her hand on Kevin's shoulder. 

"But Daria was right there won't be any confusion." Kevin smiled. 

"Certainly not, there's only one **Kevin Thomson** in school." 

"Yes." A squeaky female voice chirped, "Gooooo, Kevyyy!" Daria and jane looked at each other in disbelieve. 

"Oh dear," Jane muttered "what was your last name again?" Kevin looked surprised 

"Thomson, T-H-O-M-S-O-N" he pronounced his name wondering why everyone looked so surprised. 

"No Dude, you've got it all wrong" the other Kevin walked over looking apologetic "it's T-H-O-M-P-S-O-N. You left out the 'P'. " Kevin looked at the other Kevin in disbelieve. "Now don't forget it, Kevin Thompson. The QB from the Lawndale lions." 

"GOOOOO TEAM!" his cheerleader girlfriend shouted in her painfully high voice when they wandered off. 

"OH-MY-GOD." Kevin muttered. This was going to be hell on earth. 

"Well err, my condolences," Jane said with sorrow in her voice.

Daria; (V.O. from the present) How much can a man bear, having Kevin as your first name at Lawndale high is bad enough but having the same last name is even worse. I felt sorry for Kevin after all he couldn't help it. But soon enough he began to see the benefits of having a name double. 

Monday again, we see Kevin and Josef sitting in with Jodie and Mack as they are talking about joining the chess club. Mack smiled. "Boy, coach Gibson will swallow his cap if he hears that a Kevin Thomson joined the chess club." 

Josef became curious. "Well Michael, since you are the team captain I'd like to know what is this 'other' Kevin like?" 

Mack's expression turned serious. "He's the biggest jerk on the planet, bright as a broken light bulb, and annoying as hell. The only thing that he shines in is playing football." 

"With the breasts of his girlfriend?" Kevin asked sarcastically causing Mack and Jodie to snicker. 

"I wouldn't be surprised if he did" Jodie laughed. before turning her attention to Josef "Josef, I know that you'll be in the sophomore class but aren't you interested in joining any extra curricular activities?" 

"Sure, I would love to learn how to fence so I'll take the fencing club." 

"Very well, sign up here" Jodie smiled.

"Getting back to my namesake." Kevin began "What do you consider the most annoying thing about him?" As on cue the "other" Kevin with Brittany on his side came walking up. 

"Hey Mack-daddy, Jodie." 

"That!" Mack grimly replied. 

Kevin looked at the application form and saw a familiar name. "Jodie, you got my name wrong, it's Thompson with a 'P'." 

"Yeah that new kid got it wrong too." Brittany squeaked. 

"No Kevin this is not…" Jodie began but Kevin cut her off. 

"Look Jodie, I know how to spell my name, these new dudes don't." he brutally grabbed Jodie's pencil, scribbled out the last name and putted "Thompson" in its place.

Daria: (from the present) A deed he later regretted…

Kevin looked at his namesake and remembered what Mack told him. _"Bright as a broken light bulb, éh?"_ He thought with a smile and then spoke up. "Don't worry Mr. Thompson we get it right this time. Why don't you check on us in the hallway, we should still be there." Kevin looked perky again and smiled 

"Thanks dude, come on babe let's see if these two are indeed there." and He and Brittany went off.

Daria: (From the present) You've got to give the kid credit, he already knew how to control Kevin from the first day on. But then came the inevitable, his first class was with Mr. O'Neill. Being a classmate to both Kevins I became witness of one of the most beautiful things that happened to me in Lawndale high. 

O'Neill began his class as usual with a roll call, nothing special, at least so he thought. "Belinda?" 

"Here." The girl with the dark jacket and the long blond hair replied. 

"Charles?" 

"Prrrresent, for all you ladies out there." Upchuck confirmed his presence. 

"Jodie?" 

"Present." Jodie sighed. But then came the inevitable name. "Kevin?" 

"Here" 

Both Kevins replied causing O'Neill to look up in surprise. "Excuse me?" Mr. O'Neill sputtered. Kevin looked up at his new English teacher and smiled. 

"Oh, I'm sorry Mr. O'Neill, I'm new here and my name happens to be Kevin. A few students already informed me that I happen to have the same first name as our star Quarterback." 

O'Neill looked stricken, two Kevins, this was going to be hard. "Oh well, at least you aren't exactly alike." He muttered and brought up a shaky smile. The other Kevin looked up in surprise at this latest revelation. 

"Whoa, you have the same name as me, cool." 

O'Neill resumed his roll call. "Oh well I can call you by your last name can I?" Daria and jane looked at each other and smirked, this was almost too good to be true. 

"Sure," Kevin replied "That will be Thomson, T-h-o-m-s-o-n, Kevin Thomson." 

"NO Dude, you left out the 'P' again." The other Kevin replied sounding annoyed. 

"No I didn't, my last name doesn't have a 'p' in it." Kevin soberly replied. O'Neill went white. 

"Wait a minute, are you saying that your name is Kevin Thomson?" 

"Yes." Both Kevins replied at the same time. 

"What's wrong Mr. O, you already knew that, didn't you?" Kevin looked at his "dumber-than-a-tree" namesake and spoke up. 

"Kevin, you now know that my name is Kevin too. Kevin Thomson without a 'P'." Kevin looked confused but after a very long silence he came to a bitter realization. 

"You mean we both share, like, our first AND our last names?" Kevin nodded but added quickly. 

"Well not exactly, you are Kevin Thompson with a 'P' and I am Kevin Thomson without a 'P'." 

Kevin's head started to ache, "Thompson, Thomson, Thompson, Thomson…" and he finally came up with a solution. "Impossible, you can't have the same name as me." 

"Why?" Kevin's gears started rolling again.

"Because I'm the QB!" O'Neill looked at both Kevins and his lip began to tremble. 

"C…class dismissed." He managed to bring out before bursting into tears. 

Daria: (From the present) And so the world record was finally broken. And it was only the first day of the week. And what a week it proved to be. Did I mention Upchuck before?

The Morgendorffer household, that Monday evening. Quinn arrived home but she didn't look good at all. Helen notices this. 

"Quinn, are you okay, you look a little yellowish and your cheeks are bright red." Helen came up to her youngest daughter and tried to lay her hand on Quinn's forehead, but a static electricity shock prevented her from doing so. 

"OOWWH! Muh-om, you're hurting me." Quinn complained. 

"Oh I'm sorry sweetheart I couldn't help it." Helen apologized. 

"Besides, there is nothing wrong. It's probably just a cold." A sudden crack in the bushes broke their conversation. "What was that?" Quinn asked. 

"Probably a stray cat sweetheart, nothing out of the ordinary." Helen stated. 

Upchuck cursed as he retrieved his camera that fell down and silently made his way to his car. "Damn, that camera nearly gave me away!" he whispered as he started his car and drove away. "But at least it didn't and I got enough stuff to begin my mission, rrrrroowwwrrrr!" He grinned. 

When he arrived home he made up his list of what he got. 

"Let's see, a custom made green zipper jacket an exact replica of hers, only in my size. It was well worth the money." He purred as he opened up a closet with a female mannequin wearing Daria's attire. 

"Anglo skin stockings, high Doc Martin boots size nine, a black suede pleated skirt, an orange shirt with the fake boobs that she gave to me when I offered to rent them, sewed into them." 

Upchuck took a picture from Daria off the wall and looked at it. 

"Boy what would she do to me if she would find out that I've taken pictures when she was changing before going to school, what ever it is it will be feisty!"

Daria: (From the present) No doubt about that, Upchuck… you found out a few days later. Anyway Tuesday also began good, Quinn got ill but wanted to go to school anyway. 

The Morgendorffer breakfast, Quinn, who's skin is starting to resemble the skin of Tiffany eats slowly. She sniffles loudly. "Pigaah, pigaah." She blurted out ending her non-lyrical sentence with a loud sneeze. "CHOOOOOO!" 

Helen looked at her youngest daughter in concern this was not normal. Quinn clearly wasn't herself. Her cheeks feverishly red and the rest of her skin almost desert yellow.

"Sweetie, are you sure that you won't go to a doctor? This sneezing is far from normal." Quinn looked up and revealed her eyes, the irises were twice as big. Quinn laughed 

"No doctor mom, because I've got to catch them all!" Helen looked in amazement at her youngest daughter's antics. 

Daria: (From the present) I later found out that Quinn wasn't the only one who was acting weird. Her fellow fashion mob members had similar things going on.

Josef was sitting in Mr. O'Neill's class when Sandi came in. 

"PREPARE FOR TROUBLE AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!" she shouted causing the whole class to bolt up. Mr. O'Neill looked up in surprise. 

"Sandi?" he asked politely. Sandi ignored him and put on a pose while shouting. 

"To protect the world from devastation, to unite the people within our nation. To denounce the evil and truth in love, to extend our reach to the stars above. Sandi Griffin! The fashion club blasts off with the speed of light, surrender now or prepare to fight." And the rest of the fashion club chimed in 

"That's right!" 

Josef looked stricken but then he began to look interested. "I think I have to monitor this." He thought while scribbling the event down on paper "This might come in handy." 

Meanwhile at Mr. De Martino's class were the two Kevins united again. "KEVIN am I mistaken or is your name TWO TIMES on the list?" He asked regarding his discovery of two Kevins on his list. 

"No Mr. D there's only one me." Kevin dumbly replied. 

"HA, that's what the WHOLE WORLD is thankful for KEVIN!" De Martino snorted. 

"Yeah, just imagine, two Kevins." Jane began 

"Oh the lack of humanity." Daria finished. 

The other Kevin spoke up. "Actually Mr. De Martino, I'm new here and my name happens to be Kevin too." 

De Martino looked up at this new student who looked far more intelligent. 

"But we also happen to have similar last names. I'm Kevin Thomson and he is Kevin Thom**P**son it's confusing, I know. But at least we don't look the same." 

The other Kevin looked annoyed 

"I still say that you have to change your name dude, there's only one Kevin Thompson in this school and that's me!" Kevin looked at his namesake and sighed. 

"Well, what does it take to convince you to have me keep my name?" Kevin took a "deep" thought and decided. 

"A one on one football match." 

"Okay then, go to the field. I will be waiting there for you." Kevin looked suspicious 

"Wait a minute, how can I be sure that you are really there when I arrive?" 

"Don't worry, you have my word of honor, now go I don't like waiting." And Kevin sped off. De Martino looked in admiration at his new student and smiled. 

"Son, you already are ONE of my all time FAVORITE students. I NEVER thought I would say it but you have MADE the name 'Kevin Thomson' something I can BE proud off. You HAVEN"T got the SLIGHTEST idea how many times I wanted to DO something like that." 

Jane looked at Daria "To bad, he missed the opportunity to really do so." 

"Don't worry, Brittany is still here."

Daria: (from the present) Yes, Tuesday proved to be a winner. Finally the name "Kevin" was no longer an insult. It was three hours later that Kevin returned from the field. Me, the other Kevin, Josef, Jane and Tom were enjoying our daily dose of pizza…

"How many?" Jane asked Josef. 

"So far, fourteen." He replied. "Even though the type of reaction may differ, they all show similar symptoms. Big irises, the tendency to throw round shaped objects and yelling 'I choose you!' and then running off shouting 'Got to catch them all!' " 

"Strange." Tom began "Is there something in your drinking water at school?" 

"I don't think so, Jane and I are just as insane as we always are." Daria replied. 

Suddenly the door flew open. "THERE YOU ARE!" the other Kevin shouted before making his way to our heroes. "I don't like it when people play with my mind!" he growled 

"Don't worry that will never happen." Jane reassured him. 

"Huh? Errr…I mean, why did you let me wait for three hours, when you said you'd be there?" 

Daria: (from the present) Kevin's reply was a golden one.

"Hey, I told you I would be there but I never said that you would have to wait for me." Kevin's gears began rolling. 

"I guess we shall be witnessing a first: smoke from Kevin's ears." Daria remarked as Kevin tried to understand the logic of the words his namesake just told him. 

Half an hour past, Kevin is still standing at the booth in the pizza place but our heroes have already left. "He's right but why do I feel so confused?" he muttered.

Meanwhile are Daria and Jane making their way to the lane residence when they encounter a girl from school walking in a rocking way and holding her hands on the sides of her head. "Zei-dug, zei-dug." She moaned while making her way past Daria and Jane. 

"Number fifteen." Jane remarked. 

"This is really weird Jane, although this…this 'thing' didn't cause any casualties yet, it sure makes me feel really uneasy." 

They then passed outside a house where they saw a boy climb on the roof, spread his arms wide and shouted "Pidjiotooooh!" before leaping and landing in the front lawn with a sickening thud. 

"I stand corrected" Daria sighed as the boy's family rushed out to aid him. 

When Daria arrived home she found Quinn nibbling on some walnuts. "Quinn?" she asked while walking into Quinn's room. 

"Yeth Dahia?" Quinn answered with a full mouth. 

"Have you noticed that there's something strange going on in school?" Daria started while sitting down next to Quinn on her bed. 

Quinn looked up "Pikaaah?" 

"Look, I know this sounds weird but you are behaving strange." Daria started genuine concern in her voice.

"Pikaah? What do you mean Daria?" Quinn asked while trying to keep focus. 

"Why is your face all yellow when you always want to keep it perfectly spotless, you look like you've spilled a bottle of iodine over your face." 

Quinn looked at her sister in amazement. "You must be kidding." she then firmly stated. 

"Well, look in the mirror and what is it with this 'pigaah' stuff you keep shouting, you are scaring me Quinn." Suddenly a jolt of static electricity made Daria bolt up. "GAAAH! How are you doing that?" 

Quinn looked angry "Get out of my room Daria, I should have known that you were just trying to make me feel bad about myself." She then tossed a few balls of clean socks at her. "SOCKO I CHOOSE YOU!"

Daria made her way out of Quinn's room and ran right into her mother. "Oof!" 

"Oh I'm sorry mom." 

"It's okay Daria." Helen sighed before she and Daria stood up again. "There is something very wrong with Quinn."

Click.

Another picture taken, Upchuck smiled contently as he made his way down again. He then quietly opened up the Morgendorffer garage and looked around. "Ah there it is." He thought to himself before grabbing the object and making his way out. Soon his mission would get on the road. He already laughed as he thought at what mayhem it would ensue. 

That night at the Zen were Jane, Daria and Tom making up the balance. "Sixteen cases so far." Jane started the debate. "and their numbers seem to be increasing, I wouldn't be surprised if there are people at the Zen who also have it." 

Mystik Spiral came up, Trent and the rest of his band grabbed their instruments turned on their amplifiers and cranked them up to "Search for cover" volume levels. Trent was feeling like a million dollars, he wrote a song that would be a real slammer. He looked confident at his audience while strapping on his guitar. His gaze catching Tom. 

"Oh-oh, it appears to be that your brother is number seventeen Jane." He remarked. Daria and Jane looked up "His eyes, they are three times as big." Tom confirmed. 

"I've seen it worse." Jane reassured him. "And he hasn't said that he 'Has to catch them all'." 

"Maybe not but that's no proof, let's stay and watch if he starts to do something weird." Daria added soberly.

Meanwhile at the Lawndale High stadium a figure walked up to the security cam and gave it the finger, the figure then made it's way to the field and got out a chainsaw.

Meanwhile at the Zen was Mystik spiral about to start their performance. Trent came up to the mike "Hello Lawndale, we are Mystik Spiral and we would like your input in a name change." He shouted before starting off the song. 

"Everybody get down on the dance floor!" Jesse added not knowing how true his words would turn out to be. Trent began to sing.

"I want to be the very best like no one ever was, to catch your love is my real test. To keep it is my cause. I will travel across the land, searching far and wide, each time I do encounter you I feel the power you hold inside.

On the run, Oh it's just you and me and this is our destiny.

On the run, yeah you're my best friend in a world which doesn't understand." Trent sang with full glory in his voice.

"Hey, this…song…isn't…so…bad." Jane said slowly. 

"A…an….another…Mystik…sp…spi…spiral…master…p… piece." Daria yawned before collapsing. 

Jane slumbered away too, Tom was just in time to catch her otherwise she would have fallen from her chair. But when catching her he himself couldn't stay awake. 

"Trent's voice." He thought before losing consciousness. 

Trent was in full automode, one with the music, this is where he belonged. Working up to the climax waiting to hear the response of the crowd on this song he knew would be a real slammer. He stood singing and playing guitar, eyes closed and enjoying it to the fullest. It was when one of Max' cymbals crashed next to him that his trance was broken. Trent looked down and saw the cymbal lying next to him, Max would be picking that up after the song was done Trent reassured himself and decided to joke Max by shooting him a glare.

Trent turned around and saw Max lying slumped over his drum kit, Trent looked at Nick who lay in an embryo shape cuddling his bassguitar as if it were a teddybear. 

"What the hell is wrong with those guys Jess?" Trent asked while still playing on to give the impression that this was part of the act. Trent looked over at the left part of the stage only to find Jesse lying face down on his stompboxes. "Come on guys, what's with this crap?" Trent shouted annoyed at his band members and stopped playing.

It was then that he really became aware of the silence. Trent looked at the audience only to find them all slumped over each other, the whole dancefloor was covered with sleeping people. 

"Well I'll be a Jiggly!" Trent puffed while throwing his guitar down.

Daria: (From the present) Poor Trent that must have hurt him deeply, when we woke up we discovered that he had painted our faces and that he had left off. But as always Tuesday was followed by Wednesday…

As Daria made her way to Lawndale high she noticed a big commotion at the football field. She walked up to Jodie to ask her what was going on. 

"I don't know the details yet but somebody apparently has chopped the goal posts down with a chainsaw." Jodie explained. 

"Goo Lawndale." Daria dryly remarked when walking in.

Jane walked up to Daria in the Lawndale high cafetaria. 

"Why Jane, you look like a million bucks, what's wrong?" Daria asked her friend after noticing Jane's fresh face. 

"It's Trent, he has been working on a new song and I haven't slept so well in my entire life." Jane stretched her arms and sat down. Both girls suddenly looked up when a voice came over the intercom. 

"Would Daria Morgendorffer please come over to the principal's office?" Ms. Li's voice hollered. 

Daria: (From the present) And there it started to become really interesting.

"Go ahead, you can't keep the lady waiting." Jane remarked. 

"If she's a lady in any kind of way then I will consider a sex change and live my life as Darren Morgendorffer." Daria sighed as she stood up. 

"That would certainly please your father, finally he'll have the son who will continue the Morgendorffer name." Jane said as she watched her friend walking away.

As Daria made her way to Ms. Li's office, she noticed a few new kids with the weird symptoms. Stacy was lying fast asleep and purred in a very feline manner. Theodore Wilson, a very big boy from the wresting team, had taped two supersoaker water guns to his backpack and shouted "BLASTOISE!" when he encountered somebody. 

When Daria arrived at Ms. Li's office she was surprised to find two police officers standing with Ms. Li. 

"Miss Morgendorffer, you are under arrest for vandalizing school property." One of the officers said as soon as Daria came in.

"What? How? When? Where…" Daria sputtered in complete surprise. 

"There is no use in denying Miss Morgendorffer we have it all on tape." Ms. Li stated.

It was only an hour later that Daria found herself facing her mother at the police station. "How can I be sure that you were really at the Zen with Jane, young woman?" Helen spat "The tape clearly shows you going up the terrain and sawing the goalposts down." 

Daria groaned "Come on mom, it doesn't make sense, can you name a reason why I should do something like that? Besides I can't even operate the damn thing."

Daria: (From the present) Proof or no proof I was in deep shit. Luckily our new neighbors proved themselves useful. What I didn't know at the time was that Ms. Li didn't exploit my misfortune as I thought she would. She kept it a secret, so most students didn't know about it, they included my "body-double". Only the people who hang around me were questioned.

Jane, Tom and Jodie were brought in for questioning. The police quickly learned that Daria indeed was at the Zen and that she didn't have any criminal intensions. The police then questioned the neighbors hoping that they noticed something unusual. Among those questioned were Josef and Kevin and they showed a lot of talent for criminal investigations. They quickly recalled seeing somebody following Daria and hiding in the bushes around her house. When questioned, Norman also recalled seeing a figure wandering around the Morgendorffer household. But after hearing about his neighbors' youngest daughter and her dates he didn't feel alarmed about it.

The police had a profile this was about a stalker possibly a boy from the same age as Daria. But what did that had to do with the crime she was accused off? 

Daria: (From the present) Incredible how slowly the time seems to go when being questioned at the police station. But the police wasted no time at all.

Forensic detectives were put to work, every inch of the Morgendorffer garden was searched. Josef and Kevin volunteered to help and sure enough, the results of their work were paying off. "Over here." One of the detectives yelled after finding a real piece of evidence at a big tree under the window of Daria's room. 

"It's the cap from a photo-camera lens." Kevin said recognizing the object. 

But while the police were doing their research, the next crime already was in the works. A dark figure made its way into the cheerleaders' dressing rooms, took all the uniforms and lit them. Before the sprinklers could go off the figure gave the security cam the finger and made its way out. 

The news of the arson hit the police station as a bomb. They couldn't understand it, the security cam showed that Morgendorffer girl but she was already at the station. It was then that they realized that Daria was telling the truth, she didn't commit the crime she was accused off someone who looked Just like her did. 

Daria: (From the present.) It was then that the police decided to make a trap, to both get the stalker and the person who acted like me. I told them that I knew who the stalker was. They decided to begin stalking on the stalker. I have Ms. Li to thank for not making this public, after all that made my "Body-double" commit the crime "she" wanted me to take the blame for, not knowing I was at the police station when making "her" move. Thursday would become a day of revelations.

The next morning was going as usual, Daria woke up and went into the shower. 

"Purrrfect." Upchuck smiled while shooting one picture after another of Daria getting undressed. "Come on sweetie, show that tiny flock of hair you have." He whispered while clicking on a telefoto lens and clicking a few pictures more. Not knowing that he himself was being photographed. When Upchuck came down the police made their move.

"Hold it right there young man." The captain said while flashing his badge. "What were you doing in that tree?" 

Daria: (From the present.) All hell broke lose after they got him.

"I swear to God Officer, I was just making photo's of birds." Upchuck stated while the police was questioning him. The Captain didn't buy it. 

"Listen punk, we have several eyewitnesses who saw you stalking that Morgendorffer girl and we found your lens cap underneath the tree in the Morgendorffer lawn. You are facing charges of trespassing, stalking and espionage, make it easy on yourself and tell us the real reason why you were there." 

Upchuck went white, apparently he forgot to check if the lens cap was still there when he dropped his camera.

Meanwhile at Lawndale High school were Jodie, Daria and Jane commissioned at the principal's office. They got to see the security tape of the two crimes that were committed. 

"So that's my body double." Daria said at seeing the person lighting the cheerleader uniforms. 

"One thing is for sure Ms. Li…" Jane added "…this person not only isn't Daria but this person also isn't female." Ms. Li looked surprised. 

"What makes you think so Ms. lane?" Jane pointed at the way the person walked. 

"This 'Daria' obviously never wore skirts before, 'she' walks as if 'her' hips are too small to keep the skirt up." 

Daria: (from the present) The net was closing in, but the best was yet to come.

Police officers came up with the search warrant for the Ruttheimer household. Charles Ruttheimer Junior, Upchuck's father, assisted them to his son's room and they were astounded at what they found. 

All the evidence was brought over to the police station and was quickly identified as genuine. Jake recognized the Morgendorffer chainsaw, tests revealed that it was the same tool used to chop down the goalposts. They also found the lighter that was seen in the security video of when the cheerleader uniforms were set on fire but the biggest catch were the photo's and the mannequin with Daria's attire. 

Daria: (From the present.) Talk about being obsessed, the pictures captured me in my most private moments, when they searched the girl's shower room they found a camera behind the roister of the air ventilation. It was later that day that I discovered why he had it in for me. 

Charles Ruttheimer Jr. and Jake Morgendorffer walked up to Upchuck, they both would have vaporized him if looks could kill. "WHY?" Charles asked his son. 

"Yes, why, why are you invading my daughter's privacy?" Jake asked eerily calm. 

"Out of love, she always rejected me and yet I'd be a slave for her because she's so feisty. The crimes I committed were meant to get her in jail, I would pay her bail money and then she'd be mine." 

"WRONG." An all too familiar voice shouted. Daria made her way to Upchuck and stopped in front of his face. Her blood was boiling. "I would still have rejected you, no female human would want such an ignorant jerk like you as their lover." 

A loud slapping sound followed and Upchuck's lights went out. When he got around again he found himself with a broken nose. 

"Oh dno dyou broke by node! Dyou ruined by berfecd fade." He muttered. 

"Au contraire, I made your face fit your intentions perfectly." Daria puffed before walking away. 

"That's MY daughter!" Jake stated proudly.

Daria: (From the present) I looked through all the pictures before deciding they had to be destroyed all but one. Meanwhile at school Kevin (the Thompson with a "P") experienced the results of having added a letter to a name similar to his own on a sign up sheet. 

"ARE YOU NOT MAN ENOUGH, KEVIN THOMPSON?" Coach Gibson shouted while holding the newest edition of the Lawndale lowdown in his hands. 

"Err…'Not man enough?'…" Kevin said while looking down in his pants "Sure I am man enough, my 'best friend' is still there." Kevin said while flashing his trademark goofy smile. 

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU JOINED THE CHESS TEAM." Coach Gibson shouted. 

"Me joining the chess team, come on coach what gave you that idea?" Gibson shoved the school paper in Kevin's face. 

"YOU ARE LISTED AS ONE OF THEIR NEW MEMBERS,THOMPSON." 

Kevin suddenly remembered what happened 

"Jodie, you got my name wrong." , 

"No Kevin this is not…" , 

"Look I know how to spell my name." ,

"You are Kevin Thompson with a 'P' I am Kevin Thomson without a 'p'." , 

"You mean we, like, share the first and last names?" the quotes from the last couple of days raced through his head. 

"Oh no, I had to stay away from that try out form." He said while speeding off.

"Coach, let me explain what happened." Mack started.

Daria: (From the present) And Thursday ended and I hope it will never resurface again. Anyway Friday arrived and with it the explanation for the weirdness in school.

That morning at the Lawndale high cafétaria the other Kevin made an announcement. Jane, Daria, Jodie, Mack and Josef were there to witness it. 

"Guys I've decided to change my name, from this day on I'll be Calvin Thomson, it will rid the world of the confusion I experienced when coming to this school." He firmly stated. 

"Well Calvin and Kevin sound very similar but you don't have the confusion on sign up sheets." Jodie remarked. 

Quinn and the rest of the Fashion club walked by. Quinn lost her yellow face and the rest of the FC members were also back to usual. 

"Well, it seems that the patron of weird behavior has stopped." Daria remarked 

"Yes it has, Trent's songs aren't making me sleepy anymore." Jane added. 

"But the question is, what made it happen?" Calvin wondered out loud.

That evening at Daria's room, Daria and Jane found out. 

"Yesterday a Japanese salesman was arrested for putting hallucinating drugs in Soya drinks. The drug, a new imported one from Japan, known as 'Nomékop' is rapidly becoming popular all over the world. Although they are not lethal, the drugs have several distinctive features. They cause a person's eyes to go wide, cause the tendency to make them throw round object and shouting 'I choose you' when doing so. The effect of the drug is different from person to person, scientists claim that there are one hundred and fifty different known reactions to the drug." 

Daria switched the TV off. "So that's the cause." 

"It explains a lot, Trent always drinks Soya drinks to prepare his voice for a gig." Jane remarked. 

"Quinn drinks them because apparently they keep away pimples." Daria added. 

"Speaking of Miss perk and pretty, why did you keep a nude picture of her that Upchuck made in the girl's shower room?" 

It was at that time that the doorbell rang, Quinn was heard running past. Only to find Helen at the door sending Quinn's Date away. "No dates for a month Quinn, you are grounded." Quinn looked in disbelieve at her mother 

"But why?"

"Because of the Tattoo you have on your right buttock." Helen spat. 

"How, what, who, when, where…" Quinn spluttered, how on earth did they find out about that. 

Daria: And so the week ended. Upchuck's trial is due next month, the judges won't be compassionate the mildest punishment will be five years without parole. Eleven more girls filed charges against him. They were all on his pictures. As I said before, this has been a memorable week. I hope there won't be anymore weeks like this one, they make living in Lawndale worthwhile. 

Daria.

The end.

   [1]: mailto:wo.jaegers@planet.nl



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